New Moon Alternate
by GeorgeeCullen
Summary: This takes place around the middle of New Moon, Edward sneaks into Bella's bedroom to watch her sleep, can he stay away from her after that? The rest of the story in Edwards POV. R
1. Reminder

**Disclaimer - As much as i wish i owned twilight and all the characters i do not. All copyright to the amazing Stephanie Meyer.**

**Authors Note - by the way, this is in Edward's point of view, it starts about half way through New moon, Before Bella went cliff diving. Please Post a review, i like constructive criticism, tell me what you like and what you don't like ECT!**

I threw myself through the second story open window. My first through was- why was she keeping the window open when it was winter in forks?

That thought didn't last for long though, as soon as I saw here serine, sleeping face poking out from underneath the blanket, all thoughts I ever had left me. All I wanted to do was rush up to her and kiss her with all the heat and intensity I could manage. I shook my head, no way was I going to do that. I dared another step closer to her, then another and as soon as I new it I was standing over her, looking down at her pained and troubled face. That face I longed for, that face I saw in my mind every day and every night. I was here, I was with her, watching her sleep. My throat burned with the thirst for her blood, being away from her for so long had not done my self control justice. I walked to the rocking chair and sat down. Why was I here? I shouldn't be here, but I the pain just got too much, I had to see her. The only thing keeping me from running and staying with her for ever is the fact that I knew that what I was doing was to protect her. She didn't have to know that I'm not strong enough to be away from her.

I watched her sleeping, she grew more and more restless as the night progressed.

What in the world was I doing here? I aked myself suddenly, im supposed to be forgetting about her, being here would only make being away from her harder. I bounded to the window, I had to leave. I positioned myself on the window frame, readying myself to jump but then I heard her, I heard the voice that was all I lived for.

"Edward." Bella spoke my name softly. That was all I needed to hear, I flew back into the rocking chair. She still though about me? My heart filled with bliss and then was quickly replaced with remorce, she shoudn't be thinking about me, it was wrong.

"Edward!" Bella cried. "No Edward please. Don't do this Edward! Don't leave me."

I stopped breathing, she was crying, crying for me, what had I done to her? This was supposed to be helping her! Suddenly I loathed myself, I was causing her pain. I am a bad person, only a terrible person could cause such a fragile human being pain.

"Edward!" She cried in an agonized voice. Suddenly an ear piercing scream erupted from her lips, she shot straight up. I flew to her closet as to not be seen. She flicked her bedside lamp on and ran her fingers through her messy hair. Before I had a chance to react she put her head in her hands and started sobbing. Sobbing harder then I had ever seen a human cry. She rapped her arms around herself, like she was trying to keep herself together, keep herself from breaking apart. If only she knew that I was already broken, nobody could fix me anymore. I shrunk down to the bottem of her closet and started to cry tearlessly. How could I have caused her this much pain? I hated myself.


	2. Too close

**Disclaimer – I do not own twilight or anything regarding twilight. All copyright goes to the inspiring – Stephanie Meyer.**

**Authors Note - Hey guys! please kep the reviews coming because i really want to know how you guys feel about it! like it? don't like? Tell me!**

After I was sure Bella had gone back to sleep I snuck out of the closet and hurled myself through the open window. I flew through the forest near Bella's house and stopped when I was sure I was far enough in that nobody would come across me, I fell to the dirty, Mossy floor of the forest, grabbed my knees in my arms and lay there. Lay in the rain until sometime in the early morning I assumed. I hadn't move an inch when the sun came into view over the tall trees in the forest.

I hated myself, I hated myself more then I ever have in my life. Never had I thought that Bella would have that reaction to me leaving.

I knew it was wrong and I knew that under no circumstances was this kind of contact allowed, but I could help myself. I followed her to school. I hid in the trees on the very edge of the forest. When she got into her ancient truck I followed her through the forest until I was outside the school that I thought I would never see again. Nothing had changed since before I left, everyone was still the same – Jessica still thought the same vile jealous thoughts she did when I was around to read them. Mike – was still as obsessive over Bella as ever, if not more obsessed and Angela to my relief still thought the same sincere thoughts as before. Not being able to read Bella's mind fusterated me now more then ever. I followed the mind of others from where I crouched in the shrub outside the school.

I was drifting through different humans thoughts when I found something promising.

The voice of Angela Weber.

_Sigh, Bella looks even worse then yesterday. I hope she feels better. Maybe I should go talk to her…? No I would just say something wrong. _

I looked hard at Bella's face in her mind. Deep purple bruises under her blood-shot eyes. The excitement and depth had vanished from her beautiful, once bright eyes. Her skin was more pale then I had ever seen, she was frail and brawny. It hurt to see her that way, that's not how I remembered her. Quickly Angela's thought moved to bella's arm, a deep gash was healing in the middle of her palm. She's been hurt! I thought agressivly. I thought I told her to be safe- my thoughts stopped abruptly as something else caught my eye. The long white scar running down the inside of her left arm was barely visable through her paper-white skin yet it was all I could see. I felt as though I'd been slapped in the face. I quickly turned to face the forest and blocked out Angela's thoughts from my head. She still had the scar. The scar that changed everything. I grabbed my hand around a small tree and snapped it in half. _Control yourself Edward_. I told myself. I calmed down and tuned back to Angela's thoughts. Bella had joined her and Ben, her boyfriend, by Ben's car. I listened hard.

"_hey Bella! How are you?" what a dumb question! How are you? Its pretty obvious shes not great!_

"_oh hi Angela. I'm okay." Bella shrugged. "how are you?" _Ben then kissed Angela's cheek, gave Bella a wave and walked off into the main building. Bella tenced when he kissed her and wrapped her arm across her chest for half a second before sighing, regaining her composuer and putting her hand back down to hang limply beside her.

"_oh I'm fine, my wrist hurts a little though, I spent all night last night signing collage aps and I'm not even half done!" _Angela replyed. Bella jumped at this.

"_maybe I could help? I could come over maybe after school and help you write them?"_

"_oh Bella would you really? Thank you!" _the bell rung and they both started making their way to class. I wished I had payed more attension to Bella and Charlies conversation this morning. Why would Bella want to help Angela sign her collage applications? I asked myself.

I followed the thoughts of my ex-classmates throughout they day. They all seamed to think the same thing about Bella. _Wow that girl is messed up. _Was the main jist of it. Jessica and Mike no longer talked to her at lunch. No-one did really, except Angela. The made small, uncomfortable conversation but both mostly just listened to the other conversation around the table. I think Bella might have piped in once, to the amazment of others around her. So she didn't talk to most of her friends anymore? I thought angrily to myself. She should not be mopping about! She should be getting on with her life! That was the reason i left her in the first place.

I followed Bella to Angela's house after school. They sat in the dining room on the bottom level of the house. This made it easier for me to follow the conversation as I could view it though the window. They made casual banter for an hour but mostly concentrated on filling out he applications. They took a break after both where around halfway through each of their piles.

"do you miss him?" The question came out of nowhere. Bella nor myself where ready for that question. Bella looked up at Angela. After a she took a minute to regather her thoughts she finally answered. I listened harder. "yes, all the time." She said quietly her bottom lip quivering. "more each day."

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! Of course she wouldn't want to talk about it! Now I've made everything uncomfortable. _Angela thought angrily to herself. "Its okay if you don't want to talk about it." Angela said quietly.

"no it's okay, its good to finally talk about it." Bella replied half-heartedly.

It was silent for a little while. "Do you think he misses you?" I blocked every other sound out of my head and listened to her reply. "No," She replied too quickly. "He doesn't love me, he left me." My head pounded, the world started spinning. I took everything I had not to break down Angela's little brown door and sweep her away, tell her offcourse I love her. I punched a small tree and it went flying a few feet into the forest. Two destroyed trees in one day. Surly this was not good for the environment. Did she actually believe that I had left her because I didn't love her? Had she lost her mind? I had left her, on the contrary, because I did love her! I tuned my thoughts back to the rest of the conversation. Angela was shaking her head. _It's hard to believe that Edward stopped loving her. I really thought that they would be together forever, as cheesy as that sounds. They where just so… so _perfect_ for each other! _I shook my head. No we where certainly not perfect for each other. "Maybe he _had_ to leave?" Angela thought out loud. Bella shrugged, clearly uncomfortable. i remembered that Bella didn't like showing weakness so she tried to avoid conversations that made her seem weak.

"everybody has a choice." She said simply. "If he didn't want to leave, he could have chose not to." She shrugged it off and went back to filling out the applications. Only I could see the glistening tear on her cheek. Why was she so determine that I left because I didn't love her? I asked myself. Then it hit me like a bullet, because I _told _her I didn't. I wanted to shout that it was what I _had _to do. I told her I didn't love her because that was the only way that she wouldn't follow me.

I followed her home that night and watched her sleep again. I knew that if I came to see her I wouldn't be able to leave. I was only making it harder, I told myself but I just wouldn't listen to the sensible side of me. I had to know that she was still safe. She woke up screaming again. Did this happen often? I asked myself. Suddenly I could hear hazy thoughts from another room. I'd never been able to fully read Charlie's thoughts either but I could hear them now, more clear then ever. _When will she stop screaming? She needs help. I swear, if I ever see that Edward again, he's a dead man for doing this to my daughter! _So the screaming happened a lot.

I needed to come back into her life. I thought leaving her would be protecting her but it was just destroying her. I walked over to the side of the bed. Her lips where turned down and her teeth where chattering. This brought me back to my first question, why did she keep the window open? I silently walked out of the room and to the airing cupboard, and brought out the biggest blanket I could find. I walked back into Bella's room and softly threw the blanket over her. I walked back up to her and softly touched her lips with my index finger. I traced the shape and moved up to her nose, then her cheekbones then up the left side of her face. Suddenly I threw myself back against the wall across from her bed. What was I doing?! No,this is certainly not allowed. I had to leave, I had to leave now. I flew out the window and ran.

I ran for half an hour before I reached my car that I had hid safely at the bottom of a mountain. I dived into it and started to drive. I didn't exactly know where I was going but as I flew across the highway I realized where I needed to go. I needed to pay a visit to Carlisle. As far as I knew, him and Esme where visiting the Denali coven for a while. Then it was decided. I would go talk to Carlisle, he would know what to do.


	3. choice

**Disclaimer – Again, I do not own Twilight, all belongs to the amazing Staphanie Meyer. **

**Authors note – thank you so much for your reviews I would like to specially thank – Liz, Laced-with-fire, wickedlylovely, sinkyourteeth, candy Cullen and cheetah1992. And yes, I am definetly going to continue AND I am only 13 and this is my first fanfic so I'm sorry for spelling mistakes and stuff. Keep reading!**

I clutched the steering wheel and did a complete U-turn in the middle of the almost deserted highway. People generally didn't drive at 12:09am. I needed to get to the Denali coven in Alaska before Carlisle and Esme left. Running would offcourse get me there faster but I had no-where to leave my car, so I had to drive. I pressed the accelerator as far as it would go.

About halfway through the drive my silver cell phone started to viabrate in my pocket. I flicked It up and observed the caller idea. _Alice_ the small screen told me. I pressed the green button and held the phone up to my ear.

"about darn time you answered the phone!" Alice yelled into the receiver. "I've been trying to call you since the beginning of the week!" It was true, whenever Alice called I'd sent it straight to voicemail. Alice could clearly see that I was breaking all the rules and doing the complete thing that I had forbidden myself to do when I left Bella in the first place – have any contact with her. Even though I knew she knew already I couldn't help feeling ashamed and weak. "Hi, I've missed you too Alice. I'm great thanks for asking." I said sarcastically into the phone. Alice sighed into the phone and even though I couldn't see her, I was sure she was rolling her eyes. "yeah, yeah. So hows Bella?" She asked pointedly.

I sighed. "not good, worse then me by the look of things, I thought leaving her was the right thing. I thought that if I left she would forget about me and move on with her life! But she isn't! she doesn't talk to anybody at the lunch table and she is an absolute mess. Every night she wakes up screaming and screaming and char-" Alice interrupted me. "you snuck into her room!?" Alice asked dumbfounded. Crap. That was something that I could have kept to myself. "yeah but would you please let me finish?" I asked angrily.

"fine"

"anyway, she wakes up every night screaming at the top of her lungs and accourding to Charlie's thoughts its been happening for months and months. I'm thinking that I should just come back to her. She doesn't seam to be getting on that great without me. Not to mension she has about a dozin cuts and bruises all over her body-" Alice interrupted again.

"oh yeah, I know what they are from." she said casually.

"what?!" I yelled into the phone. "what are they from?!"

"I will tell you, if you promise not to go ballistic." Said Alice sternly. "She has been- well she has a new-found interest in um. Well… motorcycles." As soon as I heard that my foot stomped on the break causing me to fly forward into the dashbored. "that's not something you tell a person while they are driving alice!" I boomed at her.

"well you asked…" she replyed sheepishly.

"that's it I'm turning back right now I don't want her to have anything to do with motorcycles-" I was about to do another U-turn in the other direction when Alice stopped me. "no Edward. Just come down here first and if you still feel that you need to you can." She told me quietly. I sighed and put my foot back on the accelerator, I guess she was right. "Why are you coming down here anyway?" Alice asked.

"I need to… speak to Carlisle." I replied embarrassed.

"well, were all excited to see you down here!" Alice told me over the phone. I clenched my teeth.

"who is _all _of us?" I asked. It was embarrassing enough with Alice and Carlisle knowing how weak I was. I didn't need everybody else on my back either.

"all of us. Rose, Emmett, Jaz, Esme all the Denali's" I groaned. That's great. It's just great. "okay Alice I'll be their soon." I hung up the phone and continued through the night.

When I got to the Coven the first signs of dawn where appearing and little rays of light where playing around the tops of the snow capped trees. I hadn't visited Alaska for a while and I came to forget how beautiful it really was. I picked up some soft, pure white snow. It was just as cold as me, I thought sourly and let the snow fall out of my hands. I found Carlisle a while later. He was walking slowly through the snowy forest. He turned when he caught my scent and it took half a second for him to register that it really was me. He walked up to me and hugged me for a very long time. "I've missed you, son." He said quietly as we broke apart from our embrace.

"I've missed you too, dad." I said, taking in the environment around me. "do you think that we could- take a walk?" I asked looking forward through the forest.

"by all means." Replied Carlisle motioning forward with his hands. We began to trudge through the forest making conversation for a little while before Carlisle sat down on a large rock and motioned for me to sit on the rock across from him. "why did you really come here Edward? I know its not only because you've missed us." He said and chuckled. I took a deep breath. "well, I have a dilemma Carlisle." I said looking down at my hands. He let me continue before saying anything else. "see, I'm not sure if Alice told you but, a couple of days ago I went to see Bella." I said and looked up to see his reaction. Although siren bells where going of inside his head his face remained passive. So apparently Alice hadn't told anybody. I waited for him to say something but when nothing came I started talking again. "I'm very worried about her. She looks… I stopped, trying to find the right word. "dead." Carlisle raised an eyebrow. _That's ironic_. He thought. I nodded. "just how bad is she?"

After I had explained everything, from the screaming, to her new hobby, Carlisle was speechless. He sat on the rock and thought for a very long time. I Fidgeted while I waited for his response. He looked at me expectedly. _Well what are you going to do about it son? _He thought directly to me. I shrugged my shoulders. "that's where I thought you could help me. I'm stuck, I don't know what to do anymore." I said putting my head in my hands. "you have to ask yourself what it is the right thing to do." He told me.

I grounded quietly. "but I can't think straight anymore. I don't know the difference between right an wrong. Do you think that I should go back to her?" I asked him desperately.

_That's a choice you need to make for yourself son. _Thought Carlisle sadly.


	4. scent

**Disclaimer: obviously I don't own twilight or any of the characters, blah, blah, blah. All copyright to Stephanie Meyer!**

**Author's note: yes I know this chapter is very short but I needed to start a new one or otherwise things would muddle up. Next chapter coming very soon. Thanks to all my reviewers! Keep reviewing people! Tell me what you think?**

I chose no. In the end it was safer not to. Even though she was suffering without me, it was better for her then being constantly in danger _because_ of me. As much as I wanted to. I wouldn't put her in danger, not again.

After I had made my decision, I left Alaska. It was great to see my family again but did not want to seem weak infront of them so I decided to leave. I did not think that they would want me there anyway. I am not a very personable being these days.

I got back in my car, not quite sure where I was going. I started heading in the general direction of forks even though I had no intension of going there.

One of the things I hate most is being closed up in small spaces. Being in a car for so long without an actul porpose of being in there makes me ancious. I veered off the highway and drove my once beloved car into a large ditch. Things like cars didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing really mattered to me anymore except keeping my Bella safe.

I jumped out of the car, not taking any notice of where I was and breathed in a deep breath of fresh air. Suddenly my nose was filled with a scent that I, not only knew, but also detested so much. I followed the scent to where it got stronger, just to be sure that I wasn't being parrinoid. The scent led me up a large tree. How dare she come back. I thought to myself.


	5. Gone

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight and you know the rest.**

**Authors note: Keep the reviews coming! Hopefully this isn't too far fetched. I will definitely be continuing but please review, tell me what you like and what you don't. Give me some ideas! What you want to happen and things like that. **

I tracked Victoria for a few weeks. It kept my mind off… other things.

Her scent led me North of Forks one minute then the West the next minute. I searched for the voices inside my head, trying to find the one belonging to Victoria but I couldn't find it. She must have been to far away for me to read her mind. I let her scent lead me all around.

As the days grew on I got more and more irritated. Her scent was leading me here and there but I never got even close enough to hear her.

I was sitting in my car one rainy night trying to think of a different tactic of how to track Victoria when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. _Alice _said the caller ID. I blocked the call and threw my phone across the seat. If it bothered me so much why didn't I just turn it off? I asked myself, annoyed. It started ringing again. For god's sake! Couldn't she just take a hint? I rejected the call again.

An hour later I was still sitting in the car trying to think of new tactics when my phone started to ring again. I hadn't got any calls the past hour so I assumed Alice had given up. Curious I checked the caller ID. _Rosalie_ the phone informed me. Why was Rosalie calling me? I thought curiously to myself. I flipped the phone up.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone. Rosalie sucked in a breath.

"So is it just Alice you're ignoring?" Rosalie shouted into the phone. I was shocked by her tone of voice. Since when did Rosalie care if I wasn't picking up my phone? She hasn't exactly been my biggest fan lately. "What does it matter to you?" I asked annoyed.

"Excuse me? What does it matter? Do you have any idea about what has happened?!" she shouted into the phone. I started to get worried.

"What? What Rose? What has happened?" I asked quickly into the phone. I was really starting to get uncomfortable.

"Edward…" She trailed quietly. "She's gone, Edward." She finished, her voice cracking. "What? Who's gone?" I shouted through the phone. I was getting scared. A thousand possibilities flooded my mind "Rosalie, please. What is going on?" I said stepping out of the car.

"It's Bella…" She said, so quietly that a human wouldn't be able to pick up. Everything around me stopped. No. I thought. No. This is not happening. I'm jumping to conclusions, I need the full story, I told myself. "Rosalie! Rosalie tell me what's going on! Please Rosalie!" I yelled. "Where is Bella?!"

"She's gone Edward. She's" she stopped, searching for the right word. "Dead." Out of 1000 possibilities that flooded my mind nothing was even close to this. "H-How?" I managed.

"She jumped… off a cliff." She said. Everything was silent. "Edward?" Rosalie asked after a few minutes.

"No…"I said. "No! No, no, no, NO!" I yelled. "PUT ALICE ON NOW!" I yelled so load that the earth shook. Rosalie said something but I couldn't hear. The only thing that was going through my mind was that she is gone. My life, the only thing in the world that mattered was taken away from me… Because of me! "Put Alice on." I said again.

"She's not here, Edward. We don't know where she is gone." As soon as she said this I hung up. The phone dropped out of my hand. I sunk to my knees on the muddy floor and put my head in my hands. How could I be sure? Surly Rosalie wouldn't joke about something like this. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through all the phone numbers I had out into my logbook. _Bella home. _I pressed the green button. If Bella answered I would know she is safe and I could just hang up. If Charlie answered I would ask him. I went over a possible conversation in my head when the phone stopped ringing and someone answered.

"Hello?" asked a man's voice that I couldn't recognise. He sounded angry. "Is Charlie there?" I asked into the phone. I waited for the man to reply. "He's at the funeral." He spat out. I slammed the 'end call' button on the phone. So it was true? _No, no, no, no. _"NO!" I yelled into the forest. "No, please no." I fell the floor again and lay there. _No._


End file.
